ZOOMER ▲ UP AT 4AMRENT DUE AGAIN??401K JUST STARTED ONEMATCHA +4.20%HOLDING RELUCTANTLYTHERMOSTAT DAD CONTROLS ITATTENTION SPAN 15:00SCREEN TIME DON'TZOOMER ▲ UP AT 4AMRENT DUE AGAIN??401K JUST STARTED ONEMATCHA +4.20%HOLDING RELUCTANTLYTHERMOSTAT DAD CONTROLS ITATTENTION SPAN 15:00SCREEN TIME DON'T
Est. five minutes ago · already impatient
Panic. Then panic again. Get paid regardless.
The cryptocurrency for people who check the chart 400 times a day and screenshot everything. Hold ZOOMER and get paid in Zoomer Stocks every 15 minutes — one full attention span.
AIM away message grind now · nap later · get paid anyway
ZOOMER FEED — payouts every 15:00
keep panicking · we keep paying
⚔ Enter the ZOOMER Arena
Beat the Boomer at Snake, Flappy Z, Brick Breaker, Panic Sequence, Z-Runner, and the Panic Duel. Entry fees pool up, winners split most, the rest is sold to the treasury — so every game pays every holder.
The full Bloomberg-for-degens dashboard: live candles, trade tape, whale board, burn counter, referral flywheel, ranks, quests — and a working command line. Data overload, on purpose.
Complicated finance, made suspiciously simple. Boomer waited 40 years. You wait 15 minutes.
Very official01
Acquire ZOOMER
Use the official contract address. Double-check every character with the intensity of someone re-reading a risky text before sending.
The easy part02
Do absolutely everything
Panic. Refresh. Post through it. Text "we're so cooked" to three people. The treasury cannot see your behavior and would not care if it could.
Shareholder-ish03
Receive Zoomer Stocks
Every 15 minutes, collected fees buy real tokenized stocks and push them to holders. The only recurring event in your life you didn't have to schedule.
The perpetual allowance machine
One flywheel. Zero effort. E = m·c², where c is "checking your wallet."
Trades generate fees. Fees fill the treasury. The treasury buys the basket. The basket lands in your wallet. Repeat every 15 minutes until the heat death of the universe or the wifi goes out.
Trades happen
Every ZOOMER swap on the curve pays a fee. Panic-selling literally funds the machine. Your weakness is the utility.
Fees route to the treasury
100% of routed fees go to holders. Creator take: 0%. The Index takes its 10% protocol cut and keeps the lights on.
Treasury buys real stocks
Each round it buys one of the five basket names, rotating by weight — QQQ, TSLA, AAPL, MSTR, GME.
Stocks hit your wallet
Pushed pro-rata to holders by balance held over time. You were asleep. It didn't matter. That timer in the middle is real.
The dividend desk
Rehearsal mode · numbers are fake until launch
The generational rivalry, quantified
The Flippening.
Two coins. Two generations. One public scoreboard of cumulative distributions. Boomer held for forty years. We intend to out-distribute them before lunch. Both numbers read live from The Index at launch.
ZOOMER 0.0 ETH8.9 ETH BOOMER
distributed to Zoomersdistributed to Boomers
Rehearsal figures. Boomer's are roughly its real to-date distributions; ours start at zero and the bar moves every time a round settles. Nothing motivates volume like being publicly, measurably behind.
Most Paid Zoomer
Top holders by Zoomer Stocks received. Status only — no prize pool, no raffle.
Certified Panickers
Most round-trips that still ended in a payout. Volume heroes. We salute you.
Leaderboards rank on-chain behavior at launch. They reward status, not money — a scoreboard, not a sweepstakes.
What you get paid in
The Zoomer Basket.
5 × 20% · equal-weight
Five tickers with actual liquidity. Zero companies your grandfather could explain at dinner. Hover the ring — it's the closest thing we have to a pie chart of our personality.
Payouts are pushed to holders weighted by amount held — the longer and larger you hold, the more you receive. Yes, we see the irony.
Set it and forget it (finally)
ZOOMER Autopilot.
auto-DCA · buy & lock
Point a wallet at Autopilot and it market-buys a little ZOOMER on a schedule, then locks it in the treasury. Every buy is real volume → fees → distributions to every holder. The most passive way to panic.
Daily buy
$5$10$25$100
Cadence
dailyweekly
$1,825
Volume you'd generate / yr
$45.63
Fees routed to holders / yr*
*Illustrative, at an assumed 2.5% treasury fee. Autopilot buys are one-way and locked — a supply sink, not sell pressure. Nothing here is a guarantee.
The Zoomer Terminal · everything, at once
Data overload. On purpose.
rehearsal · goes live at launch
Refer, rank up, hit milestones, watch the whales, burn supply, and fight other coins — every widget below is a lever that pulls trades, fees, and distributions to holders. Boomers get a quarterly statement. You get this.
Your code turns friends into fees. Referrers earn a slice of the creator share + climb the Recruiter board.
zoomerstocks.com?ref=——
Projected: — if 10 invites each trade $500
Holder ranks buy + hold to climb
Balance × time held = your rank. Higher ranks unlock badges, Arcade discounts, and board flair.
Type a balance to find your rank.
Milestone roadmap 0 ETH distributed
Unlocks fund themselves — the more the treasury distributes, the more the community gets. Buy pressure with a purpose.
Whale board biggest buys, live
🐋 Buy of the day: —
Burn counter Boomer locks · Zoomer burns
A slice of every Arcade rake is burned forever. Supply only goes down. The deflation nobody asked their advisor about.
0ZOOMER 🔥
circulating supply 100.000% · trending down
Daily quests streaks = flair
Clear all four before the reset to extend your streak. Streaks multiply leaderboard flair — and quietly, volume.
0day streak · resets in --:--:--
Battles & races volume events
⚔ Next Flippening race vs BOOMER in --:--:--
24h sprint to out-distribute the Boomer. Winner takes the timeline.
🎮 Cross-coin arena: ZOOMER vs SIGMA tournament in --:--:--
Two communities, one pool. Everybody trades, everybody plays.
The shareholder registry
Join the Zoomer Stockholder Club.
One thousand fully onchain, true-pixel stock certificates for people who screenshot everything anyway. Each Stockholder is a real NFT with real Zoomer Stock rewards attached — claimable by whoever holds it, wherever it travels.
0 / 1,000
Minting at launch
Fully onchain art. No IPFS link that dies in 2028. The certificate lives on the chain like your screenshots live in your camera roll: forever, unorganized.
100%
Mint proceeds locked
All ZOOMER collected by the mint is permanently locked in the ownerless treasury and removed from usable circulating supply. Supply goes down. Floor goes up. You get a JPEG with dividends.
∞
Rewards follow the NFT
Unclaimed Zoomer Stock rewards travel with each certificate to its current owner. Sell the NFT, sell the backlog. Panic responsibly.
0.00 Ξ
Royalty reinvestment desk
Every secondary Stockholder sale pays a royalty that auto market-buys ZOOMER back into the treasury. Flipping the JPEG feeds the machine. The floor and the fee engine become the same thing.
Minting in waves, not one panic.
1,000 certificates · released in 5 waves of 200 · each wave unlocks at a distribution milestone
LIVE AT LAUNCH
Wave 1
200
opens at launch
Wave 2
200
at 5 ETH distributed
Wave 3
200
at 15 ETH distributed
Wave 4
200
at 30 ETH distributed
Wave 5
200
at 50 ETH distributed
Each wave is a fresh volume event instead of one launch-day spike — and gating it on distributions means holders actively want the fees to flow. Milestones read from the live treasury at launch.
Preview your Stockholder.
Every certificate is generated fully onchain at mint. This desk rolls a rehearsal certificate from a random seed — keep rolling until one matches your exact emotional situation, then download it. It's a screenshot. You were going to take one anyway.
Rarity tiers.
Every certificate rolls a tier at mint, fully onchain. Higher tiers get louder art, bigger board flair, and larger shares of the NFT rewards pool.
Paperhand
60% · common
Standard certificate. 1× reward weight. Still gets paid, reluctantly.
Sweaty
25% · uncommon
Animated sweat drip. 1.5× reward weight. You've seen some charts.
Diamond
12% · rare
Holographic frame. 2.5× reward weight. Never sold. Allegedly.
CHAD
3% · legendary
Golden glitch art. 5× reward weight + permanent whale-board crown.
The mint desk.
Mint price 50,000 ZOOMER · every mint is a market buy that gets locked forever
0 / 200 minted · wave 10 ZOOMER locked
0 Ξ
buy volume from mints
0.00 Ξ
royalties reinvested
Fresh rolls from the certificate engine — regenerates every few seconds. Yours is in there somewhere.
How the lock works: the tokens are not burned — no team, administrator, or contract owner can withdraw them or return them to circulation. It's a one-way door, which is more commitment than this generation has shown to anything, ever.
Past performance*
Time in the market beats yelling at the market. We do both.
Our proprietary "Post Through It" model, rendered in genuine fake candlesticks. Hover them. Each one is a tiny emotional event.
*The chart redraws itself with new fake data every time you visit, which is more honesty than most projects offer.
15:00
Ideal payout interval
4:00 AM
Ideal bedtime
100%
Of fees to holders
0%
Creator take
"Everyone has a plan until their phone hits 1%."
The Zoomer manifesto
Built on brand-new values. And someone else's blockchain.
Impatience is the utility.
There will always be an older, slower thing telling you to wait. The treasury pays every 15 minutes because that is exactly how long we can care about anything.
Holders deserve recognition.
That's why holding ZOOMER pays you in Zoomer Stocks: a nod to shareholders, dividends, and finally having something to show your dad.
Never hide the address.
It's right here: 0x7eA85Bd98CE15A8eb3De41933BdFFDB8859aaDB4. It will be in the bio, the pinned post, and screenshotted into four group chats. Verify it anyway.
Keep it in perspective.
It's a meme coin, not a retirement plan, a personality, or a reason to text your ex "wagmi." Zoomer Stocks are a bonus, not a budget.
Your screen time can wait five minutes
Buy. Panic. Become your own trust fund.
Join a generation of holders who know the market is a casino, the casino is an app, and the app pays out every 15 minutes.
